I have a slightly different take on Confederate flag flying at the South Carolina capitol. When our kids play football against a team called, “The Rebels,” in Walpole, MA, an abutter to the high school fields (and “proud” graduate) insists on flying a confederate flag. Unlike in South Carolina, where the flag is flown officially, this one is private. Despite the school and town’s hopes and requests that the property owner remove this flag (read this article about the Walpole rebel flag for the history of why a northern town chose the “rebel” mascot in the first place), he adamantly exercise his freedom of speech muscle and to this day refuses.
The first time I saw the flag, I was both horrified and astonished. Frankly, I think I was doubly horrified because of my southern roots – having a proud southern heritage but never having lived there makes one even more off-kilter when faced with the Confederate flag – you just don’t have a lot of practice at what to say, but you feel a way greater need to say something than someone who has no ties below the Mason-Dixon line.
In my years as a football mom, I have been up close and personal with that flag for 9 years as a visitor to those fields. What I will say is that that flag has sparked some of the most frank, deep, and caring conversations I have ever had about race – and many were had within mixed-race groups. The best conversations have come when I have served as a “security” person at youth playoff games (just in case you are wondering, I guarded a portable field heater – even though I’m sure y’all thought they made me into a bouncer what with my whole new fitness thing 🙂 ). The ability to ask an African-American mom what she thought about the flag and share how it upset me and how I had told my kids about how upset I was – that experience was true bonding and led to wonderful, frank, extended talk about way more than race. During one of these discussions, I was able to recruit a fellow mom for an insurance position I had (I’m a headhunter in insurance and public health for those who don’t know). If that flag hadn’t been flying, I wouldn’t have ever bothered to introduce myself or find out what that mom did for work. And I’ve seen a lot of other Wellesley parents do this too – that’s the plus to it being SO egregious, you just CAN’T sit there in silence – it triggers a bravery in you that wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t smacking you in the face.
The person in Walpole thinks their flag is a symbol of THEIR freedom of speech. But, you know what? My rebel yell is just as loud as his (probably louder)! I’m using my free speech to march on up to people I don’t know and say, “Hi – I’m Julia – that flag makes me really uncomfortable, as does even saying this, but I just wanted to say hello and welcome and let you know that I’m truly sorry about how it may be making you feel. I also want you to know I’ve told my kids about what that flag means, so that when I’m dead and gone, they will tell their kids and grandkids, and we will all work towards taking the wind out of that flag’s sails…”
Until that flag in South Carolina does come down – and I am hopeful that with open, frank posts like the ones I’ve been reading this week it will – it should become the symbol of OUR freedom of speech. Because in many countries around the world, if a governmental entity put up a flag we didn’t like, we wouldn’t be free to comment. We just have to make OUR free speech heard clearly and voice our thoughts OUT LOUD and OFTEN, because if OUR free speech remains only in our houses or in our heads, it is NOT going to move that flag off the South Carolina capitol building in our lifetimes. So, go on up to strangers and have a conversation about that flag whenever you can -your freedom of speech is at least as valuable as that of the flags’ owners. EXERCISING your right is of course the whole POINT of freedom of speech in the first place, now isn’t it. So, Just Do It!
dispatchfromthecave 