Remember These Two Men When You Worry About Your Kids

pet rock founder
Gary Dahl, Photo Credit: UPI

Gary Dahl, inventor of the Pet Rock died this spring at 78.

Don Featherstone Photo Credit: AP
Don Featherstone Photo Credit: AP

Don Featherstone, Creator of the Plastic Pink Flamingo died this past week at 79.

Gary Dahl, inventor of the pet rock and Don Featherstone, inventor of the pink flamingo.  Both, in their late 70s, died recently.

Just think about it: they were born, they were fed and clothed and sent to school by their parents.  They went to college/art school.  They came out and had a chosen paying profession (Dahl was a mediocre copy writer in advertising, Featherstone a classically trained sculptor and artist).   Then they EACH had crazy, creative, off-the-wall ideas that not only made millions but the ideas made millions of people happy.  And by all accounts in their obituaries – these were GREAT human beings.

What surprising twists and turns led to their remarkable lives – all laid out in their obituaries for you to read (linked in green above).  Creativity was certainly behind their success and drive.  I’d bet the willingness to persevere in the face of criticism and skepticism was as well.  I guess their obituaries cause me to ask, are we really teaching our kids the right things?  Shouldn’t the emphasis be on imagination, perseverance and the importance of creativity mixed with hard work.  How will we teach our kids to intuitively see trends and follow their guts?  RIP Gary and Don – you brightened my life with your zany products.  May your example brighten the lives of my kids.

So Freud was walking down the street when he saw a banana peel….

Freud and the Banana

The other morning I had a Freudian slip that got me thinking a few funny thoughts about my Main Man of Neuroses.  As you might gather from this blog, I have a whole Hell of a Lot of random thoughts, including thinking up the beginnings to jokes- a HUGE time sink.  As I’m sure you’ve noticed in jokes as in life, the setups come fast and easy – it’s the punchlines that are always the killer to create.  When a setup does come to me, I typically go to Google Images and type in my thought.  Inevitably someone – like the guy behind the above t-shirt image (That Web Design Guy)  has already produced some similar take on the idea that is amusing enough to satisfy.  It’s a nice quick way to process the thought so that I can move on with the important stuff in life, like penning a grocery list or picking up the dog poop, rather than sitting around for the many hours it may take to flesh out the joke.

So, back to the morning’s slip – because let’s face it, aren’t Freudian slips the ultimate punchlines?  As the blip occurred, I was thinking to myself, “Already? It’s only 7:42 AM and already I’m doing this?” The trigger?  A new post on Facebook from a Professor friend, Jeff Nunokowa. (*More on Jeff below) Well,  Jeff was making the point that in his teaching, much of what he accomplishes is to help his students “fill in their blanks. ” But, as a mother of a son soon to start the college process, I brought a certain listening to this post and instead of their blanks, I read it as saying that he helped kids, “fill in their banks.” A Sigmund moment if ever there were one.  Oh, the ever-present subconscious worry of a parent breaks through again.  At 50, if there is one thing that I’ve figured out, it’s that life plays out over a lonnnnngggg time.  This realization has led to my biggest concern: Have I done enough to help my children sustain their efforts, or have I been helping them train for one isolated sprint. High school to college is of course a very public sprint — one that we cannot ignore.  However, as anyone out there knows who has ever run a 10K or a marathon, sprinting only takes you so far.  Doing well over longer distances requires a whole different set of mental and physical skills (managing BOREDOM being one of them – more on that topic later this week.)  Aware of the worry behind my mis-reading, I took consolation in my breeding retriever who does not even seem to recognize her puppies when she meets them again only weeks after they’ve left the whelping box. And I paused to ask myself, are robins at all worried when their hatchlings fledge? Certainly we have all heard that the lilies of the field don’t share our concerns.  Maybe I just need to plant more lilies.

Lilies of the field

* You can read about Jeff Nunokowa in Fast Company and then buy his new and acclaimed book, entitled: Note Book* with its cornucopia of literary life lessons and philosophical insights.

MY Freedom of Speech, It’s All About Exercising The Right, Now Isn’t It…

I have a slightly different take on Confederate flag flying at the South Carolina capitol. When our kids play football against a team called, “The Rebels,” in Walpole, MA, an abutter to the high school fields (and “proud” graduate) insists on flying a confederate flag. Unlike in South Carolina, where the flag is flown officially, this one is private.  Despite the school and town’s hopes and requests that the property owner remove this flag (read this article about the Walpole rebel flag for the history of why a northern town chose the “rebel” mascot in the first place), he adamantly exercise his freedom of speech muscle and to this day refuses.

Walpole MA Lax game, photo credit: Boston Globe
Walpole MA Lax game, photo credit: Boston Globe

The first time I saw the flag, I was both horrified and astonished. Frankly, I think I was doubly horrified because of my southern roots – having a proud southern heritage but never having lived there makes one even more off-kilter when faced with the Confederate flag – you just don’t have a lot of practice at what to say, but you feel a way greater need to say something than someone who has no ties below the Mason-Dixon line.

In my years as a football mom, I have been up close and personal with that flag for 9 years as a visitor to those fields. What I will say is that that flag has sparked some of the most frank, deep, and caring conversations I have ever had about race – and many were had within mixed-race groups. The best conversations have come when I have served as a “security” person at youth playoff games (just in case you are wondering, I guarded a portable field heater – even though I’m sure y’all thought they made me into a bouncer what with my whole new fitness thing 🙂 ). The ability to ask an African-American mom what she thought about the flag and share how it upset me and how I had told my kids about how upset I was – that experience was true bonding and led to wonderful, frank, extended talk about way more than race. During one of these discussions, I was able to recruit a fellow mom for an insurance position I had (I’m a headhunter in insurance and public health for those who don’t know). If that flag hadn’t been flying, I wouldn’t have ever bothered to introduce myself or find out what that mom did for work. And I’ve seen a lot of other Wellesley parents do this too – that’s the plus to it being SO egregious, you just CAN’T sit there in silence – it triggers a bravery in you that wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t smacking you in the face.

The person in Walpole thinks their flag is a symbol of THEIR freedom of speech. But, you know what? My rebel yell is just as loud as his (probably louder)! I’m using my free speech to march on up to people I don’t know and say, “Hi – I’m Julia – that flag makes me really uncomfortable, as does even saying this, but I just wanted to say hello and welcome and let you know that I’m truly sorry about how it may be making you feel. I also want you to know I’ve told my kids about what that flag means, so that when I’m dead and gone, they will tell their kids and grandkids, and we will all work towards taking the wind out of that flag’s sails…”

Until that flag in South Carolina does come down – and I am hopeful that with open, frank posts like the ones I’ve been reading this week it will – it should become the symbol of OUR freedom of speech. Because in many countries around the world, if a governmental entity put up a flag we didn’t like, we wouldn’t be free to comment.  We just have to make OUR free speech heard clearly and voice our thoughts OUT LOUD and OFTEN, because if OUR free speech remains only in our houses or in our heads, it is NOT going to move that flag off the South Carolina capitol building in our lifetimes. So, go on up to strangers and have a conversation about that flag whenever you can -your freedom of speech is at least as valuable as that of the flags’ owners.  EXERCISING your right is of course the whole POINT of freedom of speech in the first place, now isn’t it.  So, Just Do It!

The Internet’s Too Ugly, Mom

moonstone

Many of you have enjoyed my youngest child’s pronouncements throughout the years.  We call them Tedisms. Recently, he has been lobbying to go back to a rocks and gems shop in Southern New Hampshire right when school gets out.  He and I share a geological bond.  His goal this year is to add to his moonstone collection – his favorite gem.  These opalescent orbs (see photo above) radiate light from some unknown source and they are quite mesmerizing.  Recently, I have become quite partial to shiva lingam stones (see photo below) from India. Sacred in Hindu culture where the rock is seen as the embodiment of the energy of the God Shiva, these bead-like 1″-2″ river rocks have an earthy weightiness and an appealing, smooth, rotational surface that encourages meditative manipulation. Shiva lingams are not as eye-catching as moonstones, although their desert roan and russet tones have a Southwestern appeal; but they are equally if not more tactile.

shiva lingnam

Each summer, he and I pick a date and drive the hour and a half to the Southern New Hampshire town of Milford for gems and barbeque.  Gems and barbeque — quite the contrast (although I did spend much of my twenties line dancing the Texas two step in the basement of a second rate Lexington Avenue hotel at a place called Denim and Diamonds, so I guess there is a somewhat Proustian precedent for this combo).  Our “rock shop,” The Quartz Source, is located in a rambling cape-style house situated on a sleepy major road.  There is never much traffic; however the traffic there is often consists of a rumble of trucks, making the site far less appealing as a residence than it once was.  Out back, the shop also sells granite and other stone for landscaping, grave markers and monuments – all laid out neatly in an extended exterior garage and garden complex.  The setting is charming, despite the periodic shrieking truck.  They sell all kinds of rocks, fossils, crystals, gems and garden statuary, large and small.  The customers are mostly fairy seeking pagans with beat up Hondas and VW bugs displaying unicorns, rainbows and peace sign stickers.  Mixed in with these visitors are usually a handful of leathered New Hampshire contractor types whose practical rigs sport Harley Davidson and NRA stickers.  These gruff men, intent on acquiring  stone by the ton, keep their respectful distance from the flowing dress and Jesus sandals crowd. But, periodically they do nod a John Deere-capped head in the ethereals’ direction. I have seen them stop to hold the door for the (mostly women) visitors as they depart with their tiny black velvet drawstring bags filled with magical purchases, a collection of treasures gracing their often henna-etched hands.

Only 3 miles down the road, our barbeque joint stands in distinct contrast to the land of gems, crystals and rocks.  An enterprising couple from the south has returned for the past 10+ years to set up their custom made portable pit barbeque trailer where they deliver the smoky taste of the true South to passers by and workers from the local businesses.  Their trailer is a gem.  We happened upon it during a drive home from summer camp one year and have returned on an annual pilgrimage ever since.  Each year we hold our breath with anticipation hoping they have made it back up North for another season.  Through the screened door looms a giant covered charcoal pit, black iron with a small smokestack generating the most delectable of grilled meat scents.  This compact mobile rib and chicken shop, designed especially for them by a craftsman in Alabama, delivers the ultimate in Southern barbeque right in the New Hampshire foothills – the improbability of the whole scene enhances the experience ten-fold.

This year when my son broached the subject of our trip, I was not quite feeling up to committing to a date what with all the year-end wrap up activities and other June shenanigans.  Instead, I tried to persuade him to obtain this year’s end of school gems via the The Quartz Source’s extensive website.  Without missing a beat, he delivered a resounding, “No,” encased in a profound and memorable statement, “I can’t do that, Mom, the internet is just too ugly.”  Teasing out his meaning with a few additional questions, it became clear that by “ugly,” he meant flat, monochrome and non-tactile.  Why would you look to words and photos for pleasure when you could have the real thing?

He had lodged onto something critical.  In fact, he’d lodged onto THE thing that distinguishes summer (and many weekends.) To a kid, the school year is a timeline of learning that concentrates itself on the flat, two-dimensional world of reading, writing and arithmetic.  Now in school’s defense, you the student are supposed to enliven this two-dimensionality with the additional dimensions of your creativity and imagination.  But, we all know that our creativity and imagination clings to certain subjects while going totally limp for others.  In summer however, the flat world of academic learning gives way to a giant, lush, three-dimensional experience of the world.  We don’t read about rocks or New Hampshire or the Appalachian tradition of barbeque, we dive right in and experience it.  Ultimately, he is right — visiting our rock store just could not be supplanted by a mere online shopping experience, no matter how elaborate or informative their website is.

So, our trip is now planned and this, my-Monday-before-school-is-out blog post, is an affirming act of transition. We are officially moving out of the second and into the third dimension — the summer dimension – of learning and fun.